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Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Tough Choices

—What’s that?
—That’s a plate of healthy food, a balanced meal. It’s not as fresh as it was, but it’s still quite tasty.
—And what’s that?
—That’s a pile of shit. Which do you want?
—I’m thinking.
—The plate of food will provide a healthy percentage of the vitamins and protein you need to get through the day. It’s a good solid meal.
—And the shit?
—It’s just a plate of shit. It smells worse by the hour.
—And what’s the orange fibrous stuff growing on it?
—No idea. Have you decided?
—Still thinking.
—Take your time.
—Is there a price difference?
—Same price.
—Really?
—Well one is a good sound meal and will keep you going for quite a while. The other will make you sick. In the long run, the pile of shit will be much more costly. But to get them, it’s the same price. I assume you’ve made up your mind.
—This is really hard. This is actual shit? I mean it’s not a metaphor. It’s something I could use in my garden.
—Well, it’s human shit. And there are some known contaminants. Likely to spread diseases. You certainly wouldn’t be able to eat anything that might grow from it. It’s a substantial risk even for flowers.
—I see.
—Look, I’d really like to move this along. I mean if you would just buy the healthy food, I could just toss this shit out. I don’t see why you’re having so much trouble deciding.
—It’s a hard decision. I mean, as you said, the healthy food has been out a while. It would have tasted better earlier.
—On the other hand it is edible and healthy. This shit is just shit.
—Well, you have point. All the same, I think I’ll have the shit.
—You’ll have the shit?
—I assume it’s good shit.
—No. No, it’s not. It’s not even good shit. It’s shitty shit.
—All the same I’ll have it.
—You’ll have it?
—Yes.
—For God’s sake, why?
—What?
—I’m sorry. I’m just confused. You could have had healthy food.
—That’s true. And I’m sure it’s tasty and nutritious. I even like almost everything on that plate. Not everything of course. It’s a pretty full plate. But most of it looks very good.
—It is. It’s among the best food we’ve ever served.
—Still, I prefer the shit. I mean I don’t know shit. But I don’t ever remember ordering shit before. It will be new. Whereas I’ve had vegetables and steak before. And really, I’m not in the mood for broccoli right now. I’m sure you understand.
—Not completely.
—Are you sure those are the only two options?
—We’ve taken the other options off the table.
—Well, that was a mistake. I’ll take the shit.
—The shit?
—Don’t be so judgmental. It’s my choice. My money’s good. I’ll take the shit. Who knows, maybe after a while, it won’t stink quite so bad.



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